Elle joined our world on 8/8/17 at 4:35a after many hours of laboring. Every woman’s story is beautiful and different but we all go through our own version of the same thing so I’ll skip the labor details unless anyone cares to hear. 🙂
She has changed my life already in so many ways and I know there is much still for her to teach me. Most people told us that as soon as she was born we’d just fall head over heels in love. Now I will say the first few days I was overcome with joy and euphoria but that was quickly followed by a bit of panic and grief that my old life was now laid to rest and my new life consisted of keeping this tiny human alive. I was waiting for that love « like you’ve never experienced before » to be there the whole time. I have to say, perhaps daringly, that it wasn’t. Of course I loved Elle because I made her but was it the greatest love I ever knew? I didn’t feel that way. I was pretty scared of not having this feeling immediately after she popped through the birth canal but then I remembered something one of my good friends said right after she had her daughter: “You might not feel an instant connection or that ‘greatest love you ever knew’ right away and that’s totally okay”.
This got me thinking; “I don’t even know Elle yet!” Of course I can’t love her like I love my husband, my mom, my family etc… yet. I can unconditionally love her because I’m her mom but we need to spend some time together. Fast forward to today and the love I feel for her is insurmountable. Each day she changes and shows me something new. Were still getting to know each other and we probably will be for the next oh I don’t know, 30 or more years but it’s a blast.
So while I’m sure she has a lot to teach me, she’s already taught me so much. Some days are better than others and it’s OK to be excited about bedtime. She won’t be damaged forever if we watch football on Sundays and every time she smiles at me it can truly brighten even the darkest mood. You have to change a lot once you become a parent but you find ways to integrate your old self with your new self. So embrace the feelings you are having, good and bad, they are all part of your journey into parenthood.
Photo by Maxine Cadman Photography (hire her, she’s AMAZING!!!)
