Catharsis & Sugar

Today’s post brought to you by a Doritos hangover due to a three hour episode of The Bachelor….and STILL not knowing who Arie ended up with!!!!!! If only my Doritos breath was firey like Peter Dinklage’s in the Super Bowl commercial…

Mostly I’m writing this post because I’ve started to allow myself to be self conscious about my postpartum body and it makes me mad. I know my body created life basically on its own and  my daughter has only been on the outside for 7 months but it’s starting to sink in that I’ll have to do something about it if I want to get back to somewhat of a “normal” state. What does normal even mean? Every woman’s body is different but a lot of us share the same insecurities when it comes to body image (thanks social media!). I mean, isn’t it enough that our bodies can create life? Do we also have to be 99% muscle after the fact too??? I’ve seen a lot of women have success from various in home workouts, in particular, the Beach Body program but I am not a home workout person. When I attempt in home workouts I pretty much spend the first 10 minutes thinking about ALL the other stuff I could be doing other then burpees and usually end up stopping after 10 minutes and doing anything BUT working out. It makes me feel like I lack the proper willpower (but I know that’s not the case). But honestly how can you find the time? A few of my friends have been utilizing their gym daycares (go Mama’s!) and I don’t know why I can’t get myself to do it! When I was pregnant I worked out 5-6 times a week and was very diligent (even though I was eating copious amounts of sugar). I did it all for Elle. Now that she’s on the outside you think I’d be more motivated to treat my body well still for Elle but I am just lacking some motivation and time. I applaud the moms who work all day and still make it to the gym, moms who do in home workouts successfully and moms who actually get to the gym with an infant in tow!  

We’re going on vacation in the next few months and the thought of having to wear a bathing suit and the more revealing summer clothes actually makes me want to hurl.  I’m fairly certain that none of my summer clothes will fit (except the dresses I can’t wear because I’m still nursing) and the idea of shopping for new clothes (which should be fun) terrifies me. I’m compensating for this anxiety by just buying tons of clothes for Elle (at least one of us will be well dressed on vacation!) Right now I’m pretty much hating all of my clothes and I’m getting sick of wearing leggings everyday with the occasional jeans day sprinkled in.

I was SO much more confident when I was pregnant. I might even venture to say that I was the most confident in my body that I have ever been during pregnancy. I wish I could’ve held on to that feeling and remained confident now. Knowing that if I set my mind to it, I will lose the baby weight. Again with perks of my pregnancy – nice hair and confidence… is the only solution to get pregnant again? Too soon, too soon….

In addition to working out I walked with the dog almost everyday when I was pregnant (and even after during the summer and fall) I’ve tried to reinvigorate my walking schedule but it’s pretty hard to get a good cardio workout with a stroller and a 90 lb dog who is basically scared of his shadow. We’re a pretttttty slow moving crew. Then there’s also the problem of my intense love for food. I LOVE food. I feel like I would honestly eat all day if I could. You know those lucky people we only eat to live? Well I basically live to eat. I also can’t seem to stay away from my pregnancy sugar obsession. In my case, the wives tale was right and I had an insatiable sugar craving (which has yet to dissipate). The picture from my post is from Cookie Do NYC which was one of my favorite pregnancy outings! Basically they serve cookie dough like ice cream and it’s the MOST wonderful source of sugar and goodness. 

So I’m trying to get creative with ways to boost my confidence and would LOVE suggestions! (I would like to couple these things with a smarter diet and try to find some time to exercise!)

Bottom line is, it’s only been 7 months, my body created life and my diet isn’t exactly sensible. But also, weather PLEASE be nice! It’s so much easier to be outside all day which probably makes everyone feel more confident! 

Thanks for reading and letting me vent. As I’ve said before, we are in control of our own destiny but sometimes you just need a little extra motivation and help from your community! I would apply the phrase, “It takes a village” to this situation!

This is my From Now Til Forever…