Confidence and Motherhood

It seems appropriate to share a post about confidence on the heels of International Women’s Day! This post was intended to hit the blog last Thursday/Friday but we’ve been fighting the stomach bug here so things were slightly delayed. Elle and I made it out without getting the bug (knock on wood) but my poor husband was in rough shape.

Generally I think of myself as a confident person though there are certain situations where I am a little less confident. Sometimes it’s easy for me to be passive and take the less confident approach in situations when I should speak up. When Elle was born I decided that I needed to exhibit confidence as often as I can because I wanted to set a good example for her. I want her to grow up knowing a strong and confident woman so she can be strong and confident in her life. One of the notable times I practiced confidence recently was at the grocery store. I was returning a glass bottle for a bottle deposit refund to the Customer Service desk (which was also doubling as an Express Checkout Line). I could feel a woman behind me tense up and I could see her “humph” and roll her eyes in my peripheral. I calmly turned around, looked her in the eyes and said,  “I’m just getting my bottle deposit back”. She proceeded to eye the baby I was wearing and saw my glass bottle and probably felt a little foolish. I was feeling proud of myself for not apologizing as I would’ve done in the past and just feeling confident overall. Who has time to wait in two lines when you have an infant strapped to your body and you’re trying to grocery shop for your family for the week AND be back before she needs to eat and sleep?!?! Mama doesn’t have time for that!!

Next up, we recently started a new swimming class series and there were lots of new faces. I bumped into a friend and her daughter at the class and this allowed me to let my guard down a little bit and feel confident and extroverted before, during and after the class. With this attitude I noticed that I was more open to talking to and meeting other moms/caretakers who were also attending the class. It was kind of a wonderful feeling because I wasn’t closed off or shy and I was also aware that there might be other people who were feeling closed off, shy, nervous because it was their first time in the water with their baby, and I tried to offer a comforting demeanor so maybe it wasn’t so scary!

Flash forward to a not so confident moment at the Post Office with Elle and Sam (our 90lb lab dane mix). As you mamas know, getting out of the house in the winter is pretty tough. Bundling you, bundling the babe and throw a dog to walk in the mix and the task can become very unappealing. It’s been colder than normal this winter so I haven’t been getting out as much as I’d like to which has been making me go a little crazy. One afternoon I decided Elle and I were going to go to walk to the post office. I bundled us up and Sam got excited thought he was coming too so of course I couldn’t say NO to him. When we arrived at the Post Office I tied Sam up on the bike rack and went inside with Elle. Of course the line was long but I was wearing Elle so it was no big deal. All of the sudden a woman came in and said, “Does someone belong to that big black dog outside? He looks SO scared and SO cold I drove by TWICE and he’s still there”. So I raise my hand, “Yes, he belongs to me, he’s shaky, he came like that when he was abandoned by his family and we adopted him 6 years ago .” This answer was not good enough for her and she continued to repeat that he looked cold and shaky. Instead of telling her confidently that I know he’s shaking but he is OK or asking her why it bothered her so much, I left my spot in line and went to get him (after the Post Office worker said I could bring him inside). She followed me all the way which felt like she was supervising me and I continued to reassure her that he was OK and that he shakes and that he came that way and will likely never stop. Upon retrieving him he was more scared to actually be inside the post office then he was to be outside and I really wished I confidently said to her, “it seems like it really bothers you that I tied my dog up outside to run into the post office for 15 minutes” to see what she would’ve said but I used it as a learning moment and decided I would stand my ground a little more next time I find myself in a similar situation.

Confidence really takes a lot of effort, dedication and self criticism but is worth it in the end if my daughter can grow up as a confident child and woman. It’s just like any habit or change, you must practice. Recognize areas of fault but don’t beat yourself up. In the end, confidence is all about how you feel about yourself and the perception will follow. I know I don’t always have the most confidence but I try everyday to change old behaviors and not to beat myself up if I fail every once in a while. It’s great for babies to observe but it’s also great for us as women and moms to make extra attempts to be confident. Of course it’s easier said then done but if you commit to taking the road less traveled one time a day it will slowly shape your confidence and change your mindset.

I’d also like to take a moment to shout out to my Mama in honor of International Women’s Day. She is one of the strongest women I know and has been a rock through a lot of years of happiness and turmoil. She has an everlasting positive attitude and very few moments of weakness. I’ve been able to be a (mostly) positive individual with her influence over the years despite tough times. With the anniversary of my Dad’s passing coming up it seems like an appropriate time to recognize her for all she has done and maybe say some of the things I never said to her directly. Her patient, steadfast and loyal nature allowed her to be the best caretaker of my dad during his last months of life. It sure wasn’t easy for her while working full time and caring for my dad full time but when it comes to those she loves she would do absolutely anything. Before my dad left us he landed himself in a nursing home for a few months and my mother was there EVERY SINGLE DAY. She never missed one day. I know she was tired, I know she was sad but her everlasting love and strength got her through the most challenging of times. 

I see the way she loves and loved me every time she picks up my daughter, plays with her or reads her a story. When you have babies you truly understand all that your mothers do for you when you are a child (and beyond) and it’s really extraordinary. So thank you mom for contributing to my strength, perseverance, confidence, positive nature and ability to love with my whole being. You deserve to be recognized everyday and I hope you know how much you’ve influenced me throughout my life and shaped who I am everyday.

This is my From Now Til Forever,